A Trauma-Informed Approach to the Job Search and Interview Process

What has been your experience of the job search and interview process?

For some of us this process is difficult and can elicit feelings of anxiety, rejection, and a sense of visceral discomfort or unsafety. I work with a lot of clients in the tech industry who have shared with me the grueling experience of interviewing for a new job. The long hours of preparation that are necessary for each interview; the power point presentations that are required; having to offer solutions to complex project issues on the fly; along with being interviewed by peers across a company’s organizational hierarchy. Much more than performance anxiety can get stirred during the job search and interview process as it extends over many days and many conversations, so it is important to be able to support the parts of ourselves that can get triggered. 

A Trauma-Informed Approach to the Job Search Process

Bringing a trauma-informed psychotherapeutic lens to this intense process has helped my clients prepare themselves at cognitive, emotional and visceral levels.  Often we do not realize that when we step into the interview process parts of ourselves go into survival mode due to past traumas getting consciously or unconsciously triggered. These dysregulated parts are not able to be in the reality of the present moment, instead they are re-experiencing the thoughts, feeling or body sensations from older psychological wounds when we felt judged, excluded, powerless, and/or shamed.

Here are just a few examples of traumatic childhood experiences that can make the interview process more cognitively, emotionally, and viscerally intense:

1. Surviving sexual, physical and/or emotional abuse and neglect

2. Enduring racism, sexism or sexual discrimination

3. Having an overly critical or judgmental caregiver

4. Having a mentally ill caregiver

5. Growing up with financial hardship

6. Experiencing social anxiety or having been bullied as a child

7. Immigrating to a foreign country as a child, especially if the cause was war, economic turmoil, or political issues

Effects of Childhood Trauma on the Job Search Process

To protect ourselves and be able to engage in life, many of us had to bury the experiences of our childhood wounding. It is important to be grateful and appreciate this part of us that kept us going! And if our childhood trauma is not addressed at some point in adulthood these unexamined experiences can exert their influence in unlikely situations like the job search and interview process.

Here are just a few examples of ways in which unmetabolized emotional experiences can cloud or dysregulate us in the job search and interview process:

1. We experience ourselves as being less capable than the person who is interviewing us

2. We go into people pleasing mode and forget that we are also interviewing the company

3. Our perfectionist goes into high gear, and if we do not get the job we feel like a failure

4. We are afraid to reach out to past colleagues for job search support as we think this will show we are weak and a burden

Ways to Build Care and Confidence During the Job Search Process

Here are a few ways to help those parts of us that get overwhelmed with negative thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations during the job search process:

1. Prior to an interview ask yourself if there are any parts of you that are feeling insecure or uneasy. If the response is yes, then get curious with this part of you as to the cause of the distress. Why are you feeling worried or anxious? Is this feeling/thought/sensation reminiscent of a childhood experience or a more recent experience? Stay in a curious, open, compassionate conversation with the part of you that holds fear/apprehension. 

2. Then soothe this part as a loving caregiver would soothe a child. Talk to this part of you with genuine compassion and curiosity. “Thanks for sharing that you are feeling anxious. I am right here. You are not alone in this process. I am here to support you”.

3. See if you can find an image of strength that you can take into the job interview with you so if you start to feel uneasy, the image can appear in your mind’s eye and connect you to experiences of fortitude, resilience and care. An example of an image is visualizing a street lined with people who give you emotional support in life and who you feel connected to. This group can include people who are alive, ancestors, historical figures who you admire and draw inspiration from, spiritual teachers, etc. Imagine that they are all lined up on the sidewalk clapping, smiling, offering words of encouragement as you walk towards your interview or are circled around you as you sit in the interview.

4. See if you can bring an attitude of curiosity and playfulness to the job search process as a way to alleviate the intensity of pressure you may be placing on yourself. Feel into the parts of you that hold excitement at the prospect of meeting some new interesting people and engaging in dynamic conversations. 

5. Share your experiences with loved ones, friends and colleagues. It can be a great time to reconnect with people in your community, even those who you may have lost touch with.

To better understand, relate to, and learn specific ways to regulate yourself when childhood wounding resurfaces, I can be reached at 415.721.3355 or by email to discuss how we can work together. You can also read about my approach to therapy.